As I reflect on my lifelong relationship with anxiety, I’m reminded of Soren Kierkegaard’s poignant phrase: “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” It’s a concept that resonates deeply, yet often gets misunderstood. This isn’t an article about positive thinking or silver linings; it’s not about how your perspective on anxiety is all wrong. Instead, it’s a personal account of what I’ve learned from living with anxiety, and the valuable lessons that have emerged from this often-crippling experience.
The Early Days of Anxiety
My anxiety began to manifest when I was a child, playing unsupervised tackle football with kids much older than me. While breaking a finger didn’t faze me, a moment of vulnerability left a lasting impression. When a teammate’s pants were pulled down during a play, I felt a deep-seated fear that something similar could happen to me. This incident sparked a recurring anxiety symptom – I started tying my pants up with a string every day, pulling it tight enough to make my stomach hurt. It was a physical manifestation of the anxiety that had taken hold.
The Lack of Understanding in the 80s and 90s
It’s surprising how little was known about mental health during my childhood. We didn’t talk about anxiety and depression like we do today. In fact, terms like anxiety and depression were hardly ever mentioned. As a result, I felt isolated and alone in my struggles. I was simply labeled as “the weird kid who threw up before school.” This lack of understanding only added to my anxiety, making it harder to cope with the emotions that were swirling inside me.
Learning from Anxiety
As I navigated the complexities of anxiety, I began to realize that it was teaching me valuable lessons. One of the most significant takeaways was the importance of being present. When anxiety strikes, it’s easy to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets about the past. However, anxiety forces me to be exactly where I am at that moment. It roots me in the present, even if it’s an uncomfortable place to be.
Recognizing Energy in the Body
When I’m in the midst of a high-anxiety episode, I try to be completely present with the physical sensations that are coursing through my body. I recognize that these sensations are energy in the body, rather than something to be feared or avoided. By acknowledging this energy, I can begin to see how my mind is turning those sensations into the emotion we call anxiety. It’s a crucial distinction, as it allows me to address the root cause of my suffering.
Control and Anxiety
Another lesson I’ve learned from anxiety is the importance of understanding what I can control and what I cannot. My hyper-independence and need to be prepared for anything are traits that have been linked to trauma responses. As a therapist, I’ve worked with clients who struggle with similar issues, and I’ve come to realize that anxiety gives me a crash course in what I can and cannot control.
Letting Go of Control
It’s a difficult truth to accept, but there are many things in life that are beyond our control. Anxiety often tries to convince us that we can control the uncontrollable, leading to feelings of frustration and hopelessness. However, by acknowledging what we can and cannot control, we can begin to release some of that pressure. This doesn’t mean we become complacent or give up; instead, we learn to focus on what we can control and let go of the rest.
Boundaries and Habits
One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned from anxiety is the importance of setting boundaries and developing healthy habits. When I’m feeling anxious, I often start to allow unhealthy people and behaviors into my life. I may start eating poorly, stop exercising, or stay up too late watching TV. However, I’ve learned that setting boundaries and establishing routines helps to mitigate these negative patterns.
Limiting Toxic Relationships
Over the years, I’ve come to realize the importance of limiting my exposure to toxic people. These individuals can drain our energy, erode our self-esteem, and exacerbate anxiety. By setting clear boundaries and being intentional about who I surround myself with, I’ve been able to reduce the impact of anxiety in my life.
COVID and the Rise of Anxiety
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought anxiety to the forefront of many people’s minds. For me, it’s been a catalyst for increased anxiety, particularly since 2020 and 2021. The uncertainty and unpredictability of the situation have made it difficult to cope with my emotions. However, this experience has also forced me to be more mindful and intentional about my mental health.
Mindfulness and Intentionality
Mindfulness and intentionality have become essential tools in my anxiety management toolkit. By being more present and aware of my thoughts and emotions, I can begin to address the root causes of my anxiety. This doesn’t mean I’m immune to anxiety; instead, I’ve learned to navigate it in a more intentional and compassionate way.
The Bigger Picture
Anxiety often forces me to focus on something bigger than myself, whether it’s a higher power, a sense of purpose, or a deeper meaning in life. It’s a reminder that there’s more to life than the immediate worries and fears that often consume me. By acknowledging this larger context, I can begin to see my anxiety as a part of a larger narrative, rather than the sole focus of my existence.
Embracing the Unknown
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from anxiety is the importance of embracing the unknown. When I’m in the midst of a high-anxiety episode, it’s easy to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets about the past. However, by acknowledging that I don’t have control over many things, I can begin to let go of some of that pressure. This doesn’t mean I become complacent or give up; instead, I learn to focus on what I can control and let go of the rest.
Lessons Learned from Anxiety
As I look back on my experiences with anxiety, I’m struck by the valuable lessons that have emerged. From being present in the moment to understanding what I can control and what I cannot, anxiety has taught me the importance of mindfulness, intentionality, and compassion. It’s not always easy, and there are still times when anxiety feels overwhelming. However, by embracing these lessons, I’ve been able to navigate my anxiety in a more intentional and compassionate way.
A New Perspective on Anxiety
Perhaps the most significant lesson I’ve learned from anxiety is that it’s not something to be feared or avoided. Instead, it’s an opportunity to grow, learn, and develop a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. By approaching anxiety with a sense of curiosity and openness, I’ve been able to find meaning and purpose in this often-crippling experience.
Conclusion
As I reflect on my lifelong relationship with anxiety, I’m reminded that it’s a complex and multifaceted experience. While it’s not always easy, I’ve learned to approach anxiety with a sense of curiosity and openness. By being present, acknowledging what I can control and what I cannot, and embracing the unknown, I’ve been able to navigate my anxiety in a more intentional and compassionate way. It’s a journey that’s far from over, but one that I’m grateful for, as it’s taught me valuable lessons about myself and the world around me.
