If you’re overwhelmed with an ADHD child you’re not alone. These foolproof steps from a child therapist (and mom of a kid with ADHD) will move you forward with clarity and confidence.
ADHD in kids can be emotionally and mentally taxing for caregivers, but following these 5 tips will help you maintain a sense of perspective and keep both you and your ADHD happier. Can I be honest? Some days I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t raising a child with ADHD . I wonder if I’d have extra patience from not using every. last. drop. on emotional meltdowns and explosions. I wonder if I’d actually be able to keep my house together from less impulsivity driven sneaking of ice cream and the leaving behind of sticky smelly messes everywhere. I wonder if I’d be ‘fun mom’ more often not having to provide strict routine and predictability all the time.
Typically, this pondering occurs on the days I’m overwhelmed with my ADHD child and the role of raising an outside the box kid feels heavy. On these days it seems like other parents just have it easier and that the vision of what I thought family life would look like has been snatched right out of my hands. I’m thankful that seven years down the road, these days occur much less often. Time helps. Time is full of hope and possibility. Time makes room for growth.
On the days you feel yourself lost in the stormy waters of overwhelm and exhaustion, keeping the following ideas in mind will help you stay anchored to what really counts, the well-being of both you and your child.
Pause and Let it Be
Give yourself permission to press the pause button when your about to lose it. In most instances with your child, it’s not truly an emergency and both you and your child will benefit from putting the breaks on, and then following up when your ready with a more supportive and effective response.
When the world is spinning around you, pause and look within yourself taking note of your emotions and bodily sensations. What emotions are under the mask of anger and frustration? Are you frustrated and resentful that your child makes the same mistakes over and over? Terrified your child will never learn to clean up after themselves? Whatever you are feeling is OK. Accepting your feelings just as they are when overwhelmed with an ADHD child is step one.
Emotions are temporary and when we honor them and work through them we allow them to pass. You are not a bad parent for having thoughts and emotions about your child’s challenges. Being mindful of these thoughts and emotions and not reacting out of frustration and criticism will allow you to show up as the best parent for your child and keep your relationship intact.
Be Kind to Yourself
You weren’t planning on navigating a special needs journey when you set out to be a parent. Coming to terms with the unique challenges brought by ADHD in kids takes time, patience and self-compassion. Parenting a child with ADHD causes great parents to be really hard on themselves. When you give into the false notion that you’re responsible for your child’s ADHD behaviors it gives the impression that very real symptoms of a neurological condition are actually the result of poor parenting.
When these negative thought patterns creep in, call them out for what they are and squash them with a good dose of truthful and realistic thinking. “I’m doing the best that I can today and so is my child”, “It’s my job to recognize what ADHD symptoms in children are and to place my child’s behaviors in proper context, not the job of extended family or onlookers at the park.”
Find what works for you to work through these complicated emotions such as talking to another special needs parent, journaling, prayer, etc.
See Your Child through Their Behaviors
Knowing how to help a child with ADHD decrease negative behaviors is crucial. However, seeing your child through their behaviors means shining a huge spotlight on their innate gifts and strengths. Focusing on your child’s positive qualities will help when overwhelmed with ADHD behaviors during rough days, months or even years. Your child is so much more than their behaviors. Getting to discover and draw out the amazing person your child is, is truly a gift.
Take a Step Back and Zoom Out
When the world is spinning around you, take a step back and zoom out to a bigger picture. This can help when dealing with overwhelming and challenging behaviors. Your brain starts to function out of its emotion area (limbic system) out of survival, instead of using the logical rational thinking area of the brain (frontal lobe). It’s not truly an emergency and both you and your child will benefit from putting the breaks on, and then following up when you’re ready with a more supportive and effective response.
Cultivate a Support System
Getting to a place of hope and understanding when raising a child with ADHD takes time. But, it doesn’t have to do it alone. Cultivate a support system around you that understands what you are going through. Reaching out to other special needs parents, joining a support group, online forums, etc. will not only help you feel seen and heard, but also provide you with practical tips and advice that have worked for others.
Practice Self-Care
Parenting a child with ADHD can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. To maintain your mental and emotional well-being, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of calm. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or practicing yoga, self-care will help you recharge and show up as the best parent for your child.
In conclusion, raising a child with ADHD can be a challenging journey, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By following these 5 steps, you can maintain a sense of perspective and keep both you and your ADHD child happier. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope and possibility in every moment.
Final Verdict: With patience, self-compassion, and the right support system, you can navigate the challenges of raising a child with ADHD and discover the gifts and strengths that lie within them.
